The Sky of my Being
By Melissa Renzi
Sitting here looking at the sky
The one out the window
And the one here within
The sky of this blank page
The sky of my being
Here all alone in the
Vast expanse of time
From skipping amongst the stars
To this life, the one with cars
And human things, like wedding rings.
Today I invite God to join me
As I walk through this crazy time
The place so different
And yet so the same
God please, take my hand
Show me where to go
God, tell me what to say
God, help me treasure what matters
And let go of what doesn’t
God, sometimes I shatter
My very own heart
By caring too much about
things that don’t matter
And forgetting the things that do
Who am I? Dancing
Between these two worlds,
Or three? The heart and the mind,
The earth and the heavens
My job—the career, occupation
My mothering —my role to these
Dear children
My Me-ness —my bliss
And how and when to do it all
And still have time to breathe
And still have space to grieve
For everyday I lose so much
And gain even more
Lord, please, tell me what’s in store
Will the world heal?
Will this pandemic steal
The joy of our lives?
Keep us away from the ones we love most?
Or can we rise? And greet it with love?
Can I release a single white
Dove to fly up above,
Spreading love sweet love
Life is a gift and a mystery
And you can juggle and dance
Tell the truth if you goof
Take a chance
Do your dance
If you drop a ball or two
or three or eleven
no worries my love
I’ll be here to help you
From heaven
Your only mistake is that
You thought you were alone
I am here, darling,
I am here
And now that you’ve
invited me in
This is a win, win, win
For now you can see me
All the ways I’m guiding
and Godding.
Don’t Google it, baby, God it.
Got it? I god it.
I trust the process of life
As mother, human and wife
As divine being at once skipping among the stars
In the sky
As human doing human things
Oh darling remember,
You do have wings
There for you when you need them
Sweet, sweet, freedom
To elevate and escalate
And raise you from the muck
When you are stuck
And saying what the fuck
Rise, sweet soul, rise,
You are so very wise
No matter what it is
It’s just a blip
Pandemic or pancakes,
Public health crisis,
Individual and collective
Invitation to heal
To feel, feel, feel
To reach out to the ones
We love the most
To look into the eyes
Of those most wise,
In my case, my cat
Perched right here watching me
Gazing into his soul
I am whole
My children sweet children
When the whole world is
running, they are still,
seeing the thrill
in a rock and a stick
the possibility of an
acorn
Oh, God, I’m torn
I don’t know if I need to mourn
Or celebrate
What to do about all the hate
I inflict on myself
Making life harder
Thickening my guard
Or dear god
Shall I soften? How often
Do I melt and laugh
I am at least a half
million times more
intelligent when I am
in the love.
Oh God, thank you
for taking care of me,
thank you for taking care
of us. You got this.
I got this.
We God this.
We. God. This.
Note: I wrote this last March 2020 as pandemic life was new and raw. Things were heating up on all levels. It felt scary. I am grateful I rose early and put the pen to page. This poem changed my life. Looking back I realize this poem was a prayer that set the tone of 2020 for me. It helped me let go of what no longer served me in ways I could’ve never controlled or planned. It helped create space for me to be there with my family and for the opportunities life would serve up in the coming months.
What are you praying for? If you don’t know, put the pen to the page and see what comes out. God is listening. I shared it quietly with a few friends by email. I wasn’t ready to share beyond that. I am now. Then, this prayer was between me and God. I am grateful to share it with you here and now. Don’t limit yourself to what the earthly answers are. Don’t look outside of yourself for the answers. Look inside. Listen deeply. Be open to a higher possibility, stay connected to the truth of who you are: part of something bigger. Don’t Google it baby, God it.