My inner perfectionist is having a hell of a time with this

This blog is a labor of love.

A weight off my chest.

A release.

A place to share, grow and stretch.

It scares me.

It excites me.

I am showing up, leveling up and shipping.

I am sharing my gifts with the world.

I’ve been slowly sharing it with people. Kind of like I slowly shared the news of each of my pregnancies. Now my children are 8.5 and 4.5 years old. Their lives are healthy, full and robust. One day my blog will be healthy, full and robust, too.

For now it’s growing like a little seed.

One day it will be a whole field of wildflowers

I’m giving it space to grow

To breathe

To decide who it will be

To let it take shape

I’m giving myself permission to put it out into the world as it is

Unedited

Unpolished

Un-held onto for years and years and years

I have been writing since I can remember

I have always observed the world as an artist

Seeing its beauty

Holding it in my heart

Writing it down in journal after journal

Poems, streams of consciousness, morning pages, memoir beginnings

Children’s stories, documentations of my children’s milestones

Binders of sketches and ideas and plans

Stacks of paintings

Portfolios of artwork

Part of me has not shared because I was busy doing so many other things. Building a career, supporting myself, having children, raising them, supporting my family. Becoming the me that I am now. Becoming Me.  

Part of Me didn’t share because I wasn’t sure what to call it or what to do with it all. The weight of wanting so badly to share something and knowing wholeheartedly it will one day have a life of its own and make a difference in someone’s life (I’m looking at you Relentless the Dream Follower and Good Things Darling and Oh Majestic One.) The fear of showing up fully and wholeheartedly. The fear of revealing just how much I care about so many things. The fear of revealing just how spiritual I am. God appears in a lot of my poems. One day I’ll tell you more about that and what God means to me. Here’s a preview. It means everything. As in to me God is in everything. It’s so much bigger and deeper and richer than the walls of the Catholic Church I was raised within. Call it Universe, Spirit, higher power, the all of the all (my new favorite expression). I believe God is in all of us and everything. The force in the life force that we all share, that we all come from. As Gemma would say, “Look for the God and the good in everyone.” That’s God. I haven’t introduced you to Gemma yet. Oh I will. 

Today I am letting you know that my hope is bigger than my fear.

My strength of heart is stronger than my urge to hide.

My inner perfectionist is having a hell of a time with this.

She wants me to revise this and polish this. She wants you to know how smart I am and what a great writer I am.

I want you to know I am here, showing up and honoring a commitment to myself.

I am here giving light to the love that is so alive in so much of my writing.

I am here.

I am.

Thank you.